How Shredded Wheat Was Invented

31 Oct

Once upon a time, these four words were uttered for the very first time in the history of mankind (and womankind, don’t worry feminists I’m on your side): “Never Eat Shredded Wheat.”

And a second man said to that first man, “My God, that’s brilliant! What a way for kids to remember the order of North East South West.”

And then a third person stuck his nose in and said, “I’m sorry but I’m afraid you can’t use that!”

And the first man said, “Why not?”

And the second man said, “Yea, why the hell not? It’s genius! This man right here is a fucking genius. Why can’t he use it? It pisses all over ‘Naughty Elephant Squirts Water!’ God damn it!”

And then the first man said, “I know why I can’t use it. It’s because this man is a trading standards officer, and he won’t let me use Shredded Wheat because it is a registered trademark. That’s why, isn’t it?”

And then the third man said, “No, it’s not that at all. It’s because we are in the year 1765, and Shredded Wheat hasn’t been invented yet. Your statement makes no sense.”

And then the first man said, “Right, get me some wheat. And a shredder.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Shredded Wheat was invented. I shit you not!

Okay, okay, I shit you.

Never. Eat. Shredded. Wheat.

Never. Eat. Shredded. Wheat.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

thisisyouth

On the quest to live an interesting life.

an aimless hitchhiker...

a diary of a vagabond woman

Apropos of Nothing

for writing out loud

Projecting the Void

Random scribblings from the diaphanous inner mind of a neon cat

Atheisting

religion, politics, & sexuality from a feminist freethinker.

dinsanga11

Stoner's Story

FLOCKZINE

Childhood | Adulthood

Kryssie's Blog

I listen, I think, I speak.

The Girl with the Mousy Hair

The Day-to-Day Musings of a British, Bowie-loving University Student

elizabethburgess15

A PhD student's thoughts on all things Spanish and Sociolinguistics

A long way to justice: A route to the Roma grassroots

Vicente and Rebekah drive Spain to India.

Pinkjumpers

The corner of the internet where you should probably turn around.

Express Me, Then Depress Me

Suffers from instant need to flash breasts and yell at strangers. People think it's my inner feminist, but no, I'm just crazy, and not always in a fun way.

%d bloggers like this: